Words Hurt.

How much are you affected by what people say about you?

"Hey, Rat Face!"

Who's Rat Face? Well, back in elementary school that would've been me. I lost my two front teeth before the 2nd grade and both grew in bigger than normal. They're still bigger than most people's teeth, but they're mine and I've grown to love them. However, thanks to some of my classmates I resented the world for the way I looked. I knew deep down being mad at the world and disgusted with myself wasn't going to change how I looked, but the fact of the matter was words hurt. I still remember every single hurtful name I've ever been called. Those words eventually drove me to the edge and caused me years of depression and hurt. The funny thing is, I never got physically beat up. Never once did someone put their fist to my face, but let me tell you, that would've been easier to handle than the words I heard. Physical pain is temporary, emotional pain is endless.

I used to be that little girl on the playground with tears streaming down her face. I used to be that little girl who talked to herself because she had no friends. That little girl grew into this grown woman. I'm not going to sit here and say I'm strong because let's face it, I'm a chicken. I am nowhere near strong, but I do love myself more now because of the hurtful words I faced day in and day out.

My dad resented me for the way I looked. He still does. He still to this day wishes I was skinnier, more fit/in-shape, and didn't have scars/sores on my skin. He didn't get his pretty little girl when my parents had me. I know that no matter what I do, how much I change, or what happens my dad will never be happy with me and my appearance. I hated him for that. Truth is, I still hate him for that. The things he said drove me to anorexia. The things he said drove me to pick away my pain. That said, if he were to say those things to me today, I'd tell him to shut the f*ck up. I'm not that little girl anymore. I am no longer affected by what he or anyone else says about me. I no longer give a damn. I gave up caring what people think and say about me a long time ago. Nothing anyone says now can hurt me. I've heard every hurtful thing you could say to a pale white girl said to me.

Presently, words can't and don't hurt me, but the pain that was caused so many years ago will be pain I will be working through for the rest of my life. I still have a long way to go before I unconditionally love myself, but over time I'll get there. Thanks to my dad and those kids on the playground, I haven't ever gotten to love the girl in the mirror looking back at me. The fact of the matter is, words hurt. Past or present. What you say about someone, even when you were just a kid, sticks with them for a lifetime. Words cannot be forgotten. Watch what you say to someone. Even the most seemingly innocent of phrases can cause a person a lifetime of pain. So, make your mother proud and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.