Sight Challenged.

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow." -Helen Keller

It's been about 8 months since I last wrote a blog post. It's been about 3-4 months since I last was able to use both of my eyes. Life is a funny thing! I have a dream job that I'm extremely passionate about, but I don't have both of my eyes working.

I began wearing glasses in 6th grade. They were huge pink flowerly glasses that I got at Walmart. They were also the only ones big enough for my eyes. Children apparently are supposed to have small eyes. I have a thing for breaking the mold! I was always able to take breaks from my glasses and go without them while at home, until this past Summer. Double vision wormed its way into my life around July. It started out being only in the evening on weekdays. Then, it was only in the evenings every day. I was throwing up from the double vision, so I went to the eye doctor and got prisms. Those helped for about a week. (My mom will tell you two weeks. I have a better memory than her. It was one week.) 

However, I remember the day that all changed. It was August-ish and I started having trouble seeing around noon while at work on a Friday afternoon. Life stops for no one, so I kept pushing through. That night I worked late and ended up placing a call to my mom while on the road back home. My eyes just couldn't really do it anymore. My mom and dad were kind enough to pick me up near the middle of nowhere and drive me and my car back home. The next day, I still had double vision and having trouble seeing (with or without my glasses). I didn't know it at the time, but the day I started wearing a patch on my eye was the start of a VERY long and exhausting journey that still continues to this day.

Possibilities have been discovered, ruled out, and discovered some more, but there is no definite answer. What I do know is this. Having only one eye working gives you a new perspective on things. You never really know how great eyesight is to have until you lose most of it. I have to keep my right eye closed in order to see without my glasses (for instance, to take a shower). I have to check and check some more before switching lanes while driving. Grocery shopping is a true pain in the ass with only one working eye... It's all a lot at times. I'd be lying if I said it was easy. It was in the beginning. It's definitely not now. It's beyond frustrating!

With one eye, comes migraines. Migraines have been a part of my life since my early teens. It used to be pretty rare. This Summer, they were every other day or so. Now, they're every damn day. Outside of work, I have no social life because having a social life means being nice. I'm anything, but nice when in pain.

I'm writing this for one reason. I don't know what's causing all of this as I have no real answers (nor does my family). While I may be crankier than normal and more of a hermit, I'm still me. Just with one eye and a little moodier. I've reached the end of my rope with the questions. So, PLEASE don't ask about my eye, the patch I wear, or what happened. After months of questions, I'm tired. As much as I would love my head back to normal and my eye to work again, doctors are a waiting game. I know with the holidays coming up, questions are going to come at me regularly since I can't be a hermit for Thanksgiving and Christmas. (I do have a stick on prism on the right side of my glasses, but I can't see properly with it, so it stays covered.) Just know that this is a process. I'm not dead. I sure as hell am not dying. I'm just down an eye. That's all.

  The last picture taken of me with both of my eyes!