Over You.

“When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.” -John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

It's been ten years. My mind and heart are still boggled by that. Time is a funny thing. Death is not. Ten years ago, I was 16. My grandma (my mom's mom) had a bout with kidney cancer. A bout she did not win. She had lived 73 great years of life and felt it was her time to go. Her job here was done. She had moved from Dayton, OH down here when I was in my second year of 5th grade (no idea how old I was- it's been awhile) and made her mark in my life forever. I had always been close to her, but her moving down here to be closer to us made life easier, better, and a lot more fun. She was my best friend. When I was angry with my parents and they were angry with me, I always had her. She was the best person I've ever known and certainly the strongest. She divorced her husband before my sister and I were ever born and lived as a single woman from that point forward. Grammy didn't need a man to make her happy. She had her family and pets. That was enough for her.

Grammy got sick when I was 15. We would go to doctor appointments together. My IBS presented itself at the perfect time unbeknownst to all of us. I was home bound which allowed me to spend my days with my grandma. We shared laughs until the day she died. She kept a smile on her face no matter how much pain she was in or what she was going through. You think I'm a firecracker... you should have met her! I stayed by her bedside as her condition worsened. She was my world. I wasn't ready for her to leave. I thought she would live forever and would certainly be there for graduations, weddings, all of it. God had bigger plans for her. Plans I had a hard time accepting.

Her presence has always been in my life and always will be. I graduated college (FINALLY!), but while she wasn't there physically to see me walk the stage, she was in my heart. The sadness in my heart will always be there. Death is not an easy thing to get over (even 10 years later), but I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have watching over me. Grammy is the best person I've ever known, the best friend I've ever had, taught me what love is and what love should be, was my biggest fan, and funnier than I will ever be! She is in our hearts forever. No matter how many years go by she will always have a presence in my life. You want to know how to do life right? Take a look back at hers. She did it perfectly.

Grammy, here's to you. We miss you and love you. I wish you were still here. I miss your home cooking, laughter, jokes, smile, and most importantly the heart you had for people and animals alike. You never let the bad things take away your optimism or your trust for others. You had faith in the world. Faith I wish I could have. You saw the good in everything, even in losing your youngest son. I hope you, Uncle Kelly, Grandpa Stephens, Whitney (Grammy's dog), Wally (our first dog), and everyone else (and every animal) up there with you are having fun! Until we meet again, thank you for your love and kindness. May you continue resting in peace!

May 23, will forever be a day of remembrance, love, laughter, and light. That is what Grammy would want!